Getting Back With an Ex

Trust can be a very nebulous thing between lovers. Just look at all the women that stay with men who cheat on them. They can’t trust the guy, but they stay anyway.

Appreciation, as opposed to trust, is bigger in a relationship then you may imagine.

When someone cheats on us we might tell him or her that all of the trust in the relationship has disappeared. However in reality something else might be going on.

Subconsciously or consciously we are feeling like our partner does not approve of us. The fear is that we are no longer sexually attractive. It is a lot easier to say that we don’t trust a person then admit that we are jealous, insecure or heartbroken.

However, when you do get back with your ex you are not going to talk about your fears, jealousy or heartbreak. There will be no mention of a lack of trust. All talk of the past, insecurity and resentment will be verboten. You must resolve all of your obsessive, resentful and unattended –to feelings before you meet your ex again.

When you get back together with your ex the only messages you will be giving him or she is that he or she is trusted and sexually desired.  The very fact you are back in his or her life shows your faith in that person and that things will work out for the best.

The reason there is still hope for the two of you is precisely because you are willing to admit that people are fallible, that they say things in the heat of an argument that they don’t mean and that you still trust the person enough to give it a second try without bringing up the past.

Unfortunately most of us like to stick with the Devil we know rather than investigate the possibility of finding a romance. It is a mistake to think that scheming about how to get your ex back is a productive use of time, especially if he is betrayed you and there is a trust issue. Before you consider how to get your ex boyfriend back you might want to examine the reasons why you want him back and be honest with him.

This are very few situations in which it is acceptable to consider how to get your ex boyfriend back. Very rarely are breakups the result of some kind of Shakespearean style misunderstanding full of miscommunications. Breakups usually happen because you have grown to be incompatible or because there has been a trust breakdown.

However if you have examined all the reasons that you want to get back together with him or her and found that your motives are pure then it might be alright to move forward with the strategy about how to become a couple again.

Relationships
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Should You Confront A Cheater?

If you suspect or know that your spouse or lover is cheating, you may feel the urge might be to confront him or her about it. However this is not necessarily a good idea. In fact, the most mature thing that you can do is simply withdraw from the situation. The cheater does not need to know how you feel about things and you do not have to upset yourself with details.

 

However, most people will feel a need to confront the cheater with the facts, express anger and get what their anger off their chest. Drama is almost unavoidable as it is human nature to want to know more details about the actual betrayal, why the other person is more attractive and many people also need confirmation about the hunches they were having when they suspected the person was being unfaithful.

 

Many psychologists and relationship experts will simply advise you to walk away as hits compounding pain that gets worse and worse.

 

You should also never confront the cheater unless you have evidence that it has actually happened.  Have tapes, photos, records of phone calls and texts. Many people use private detectives, GPS spying devices and keylogging programs to spy on suspected cheaters. Once you have the evidence of cheating, you can then directly confront the cheater from a place of surety.

 

Confronting a cheater with suspicions is quite a different matter. First off, it can damage a perfectly good relationship in the event that you happen to be wrong. You can damage the trust bond that you have with each other forever. Secondly, if you begin to voice your suspicions about cheating then he or she will take measures to be more private, concealing phones and locking up computer access, which will make it even more difficult for you to catch the cheater in action.

 

Some people really believe in following their lover or spouse to the scene of the crime and then surprising the cheaters by walking in them. Don’t do this unless you have a couple of family members or friends with you. Many relationship experts do not advising doing this at all because it is very scarring emotionally, not so much for the cheaters, but for you. You might finally know the truth but it will really hurt.

 

Whenever possible you should leave a relationship at the first sign of cheating and then have the individual followed by a professional.  The only circumstance under which you should not leave is if you think the two of you can somehow regain trust with each other and work it all out.

Relationships
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The Work Place Relationship

Ask any business’ human resources expert if you should pursue a work place relationship and the answer will likely be a firm NO.  That is because love in the work place often leads to nepotism, gossip, jealousy, infidelity, less productivity and more absenteeism.  However it is next to impossible for some people to find the time to pursue a relationship anywhere else because they simply do not have the time to do so.  Too many of us are busy working spending time at one or more jobs just to make ends meet!

 

Although the work place relationship is usually discouraged and sometimes ends up badly for one or both partner’s careers it has been known to work very well for some people.  The workplace romance has worked particularly well for some celebrity names. For instance Will Smith first met his wife Jada when they both had roles on “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.”  Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt fell in love on the set of “Mr. and Mrs. Smith.”  Still the unique workplace of the movie star is not quite as permissive as the workplaces of ordinary citizens.

 

One of the most successful and admired marriages in the United States started as a relationship in a place of business.  You will recognize their unique names. Barack and Michelle Obama first met when she mentored him at a Chicago Law Firm.  That workplace rendezvous resulted in a marriage in 1992.

 

So how can you make sure that your workplace romance leads to marriage and not the unemployment line?

 

First of all make sure that you do not bring your romance to your place of business. This can breed resentment among your colleagues.  Whatever you do avoid emotional drama and too much physical contact in front of others at your company. It simply is not professional.

 

You should also avoid beginning an affair with someone who can further your business career. If the two of you break up it almost always means that someone has to look for a new job.

 

Also, as anyone who has watched episodes of Mad Men knows, the workplace is rife with lonely married people whose relationships are suffering because they do not spend enough time at all.   Avoid the workplace infidelity above all other forms of workplace romance if you want to keep your job!

 

Finally, if you want to thrive at your company simply consider not mentioning your relationship to your colleagues at all.  Wait until you are officially engaged before announcing to any business colleagues and out of respect for protocol make sure that you tell your boss before you tell anyone else!

Professional, Relationships
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More Tips for Starting Conversations With Men

Today’s blog is a continuation of the last one which was all about how to meet men.  Yes, it is all about “lines” and getting him to buy you a drink or even buying him a drunk.

 

A line that also might work operates on the pretense that you have been sent over to meet him by one of his good friends.  Simply approach the male, gesture to one of his companions and say, “Your friend there says that you and I should link up. He says we have a lot in common,” This doesn’t have to be true. Even if his friend denies it later, it will still make him laugh.

 

Another approach is the “fake out.”  This is where you stand close to the man you are really interested in, point to some guy in the bar and say “Do you mind if I stand here for a while?  That jerk over there keeps trying to pick me up and I am definitely not interested.”  Usually the man says “Of course.”  Your next line should be “So what’s your name anyway?” and the conversation should flow as easily from there.

 

Another tact you can use it to offer to buy the guy a drink.  This is best done with a cigar hanging out of your mouth.  Don’t light it if you are prone to nausea. If he asks you why, tell him that you are pretending to be a man tonight, just to see how hard it is for men to meet people.

 

You should also not overlook the most obvious form of greeting which is a simple “Hi.” Follow this up with a warm, bright smile that is meant only for him.   This usually works about 50% of the time, but because there are no mind games involved, the response you get is usually a “hi” back.  Once that is accomplished try following that up with the obvious “how are you?”   Hopefully the conversation will lead to something other than “I’m fine” and then the long cold stony silence. When in doubt, making a reference to some kind of current event such as “How about that tornado in Kansas?” is also a good opener for a conversation.

 

Of course if you are totally daunted and your knees start quaking at the very thought of even saying “hi” to a man, you can always cop out and be quiet.  The Great Non Verbal Cop Out apparently is very attractive to men who appreciate the elements of mystery, espionage and strategy that are involved in such a maneuver.  It makes you seem very mysterious.  Just give him your number on a matchbook, go away and hope he calls!

Relationships
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