In relationships with emotional problems, with addiction and with abuse we have a tendency to go into denial. Sometimes the problems are so bad we can’t look at what is wrong.
Sometimes our desire to have things go well is so intense that we lie to ourselves. Women are particularly vulnerable to this type of thinking. They feel that they will never find another man again if they split up with someone forever.
If you think that you can’t live without him, that he was your whole life or that you will never find anyone as good as her then you are probably not in love. You are probably in a codependency. It might also meant that the relationship was abusive to the extent that your self-esteem was permanently affected.
It is also a mistake to believe that if you get back together that the person will change. Stupidity is the definition of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
It is also a mistake to believe that it is your job to somehow rescue or change a person, especially if they have a drug or alcohol abuse problem. If you are dealing with a partner like this the only thing that is going to work is unconditional love. You can only change yourself, not him or her and you can expect very little of the relationship.
If you find yourself listing reasons such as “I can’t be happy alone” or “I would die without him” then you need to know that you are lying to yourself. These statements are more about you than the person you want to be with.
The truth is that you can be happy again without or without this person in your life and if you do not believe that then you it might be time to see a therapist. It is a mistake to think that just because someone has left your life, you will not have any more good experiences.
If you go on thinking that you can’t make it in life alone, then you’ll have problems in this relationship and any relationships you have in the future. The ability to be happy on your own shows that you value yourself. Giving all of the power to make yourself happy or sad to another person is a symptom of low self-esteem.
As important as it is to be optimistic about the future you also need to be grounded in reality about your partner and whether or not it is actually in your best interests to return to the relationship.